I found my husband in bed with our Au pair


We have been married for 15 years this year, and have 2 daughters, aged 6 and 8 years old. At the end of last year I was promoted at work, and put onto the Associate Attorney program, which I was utterly delighted with. My husband told me how proud he was of me and made me feel really supported. The course was known to be really intense, with 10 – 12 hour days being common, and because my husband would be working night shifts and weekends, we both decided that we would need extra help when it came to the day to day cooking, cleaning, and general caring for the children.

The obvious solution was to get an Au Pair. We had the extra space at home for a live in position, and with my new promotion we could more than afford it. So, we looked around, checked references, and decided upon a nice young girl with good experience, aged 25. She started with us a month later, in the January of 2016. She seemed to fit in with our family brilliantly, getting along with the girls as if she were a big sister, and being a lifesaver to us keeping everything in check.

Everything seemed to be going swimmingly. My husband and I weren’t seeing much of each other at all, but it wouldn’t be forever, and the extra money was the incentive to keep going. A few months in, around March time, I did begin to feel a funny jealousy toward my husband and how he was interacting with our Au Pair. Of course she was younger than me, a very pretty girl, tall and slender, but I felt it was more than that. I decided to tell him how I felt and he dismissed me as being silly, he loved me, and saw her like just another daughter in the house.

Fast forward to the first week in May, and I had seen my husband detach from me greatly, I could just tell that something was wrong. We hadn’t been able to spend any proper time together for months due to work schedules, and it was him that actually suggested we make a date night for him to take me to dinner. The thought of it felt really nice, to get dressed up and know it would just be the two of us spending some romantic quality time together. I was really excited.

I managed to get away from work two hours early on the evening we planned to go out, and as I got out of my car to go into the house I looked forward to a long soak in the bath and a glass of wine while I got myself ready. I could hear the TV on quite loud, and as I popped my head into the lounge I saw the children immersed in a movie. Feeling glad to be home I headed up stairs, looking forward to stripping off and heading into our en suite. I didn’t call out, I just walked into our bedroom, and straight in front of me was – my husband and our Au pair in bed together!

I could not quite believe it, I just stared at them trying to take it all in, before turning on my heels and running through the house, into the back garden, gasping for air as I felt the wind being kicked out of me. My husband appeared behind me, trying to apologize and saying how he was going to tell me, it wasn’t planned, and so on. But it was just all noise to me, I felt numb.

I went to sleep in the spare room that night, and in the morning life carried on as normal. This is all so recent, I really don’t know how to be dealing with the betrayal, especially as I have work commitments, and I do really need the Au Pair right now, who the children happen to adore. I am really hurt, my heart is literally breaking inside, but the only way I can cope right now is by carrying on. I am still sleeping in the spare room, and the Au Pair in hers, and my husband in the marital bedroom. I know in my heart that they have fallen for each other, but I don’t feel I can face the reality of actually losing him forever. This may sound like a cliche story, but it happened to me, another woman was there for my husband when I wasn’t.

About This Author

I want to share my bad experience with an au pair, but this rarely happens and all you wives out their should not be put off by my experience.


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  • Let her go. That was very unprofessional behaviour regardless of how good she is with your kids. There are many great au pairs who can keep their legs closed. I´m sure any number of them would be glad to look after your household. I´m sorry you had something so awful happen to you. Your husband clearly doesn´t have much regard for you or your feelings so perhaps he should be the one sleeping on the couch until things are figured out.

    Thyra Skött 4 years ago Reply

    • First of all, why is it always the reaction for Americans to say “it’s the other women’s fault, or she’s unprofessional, or some other ill logical crap. This lady feels she got kicked in the gut and needs time to think clearly. I realize America is such a hypocrite society to think that once a spouse cheats the only recourse is to kick them out. Sex was the symptom not the cause. I would never kick my spouse out for that reason alone – this attorney definitely has more Brains them you do

      Marry 4 years ago Reply

  • I think forgiveness will play a vital source to your healing.
    keeping an offence is like drinking a poison waiting for someone to die.
    forgive your husband and get rid off of the girl in your house otherwise the love story will continue between them.
    I’m speaking for experience, I had a romantic kisses with a newcomer consultant in my office. it happened that I had serious car accident and stopped going out with her. being a devoted Christian made me understand that God wasn’t happy with the secretly love affair.
    I made sure I quitted the affair immediately and luckily the lady resigned on her own will. I know how you feel, I will advise that you take couple of days work leave for the healing process.

    Prince 4 years ago Reply

  • Let her go my dear, what they have done is unbearable, it hurts very deeply, I don’t understand that how can a woman do something like that to another woman is disgusting. Your husband is a cow& that woman is a disgusting. Life goes on stand tall& ask God for the strength to carry on,he will guide you& direct you to get the right person& one last thing i know is not easy,forgive,it will help you to carry on with your life

    Eunice 4 years ago Reply

    • PLEASE!!!! God will not guide anything! If God will, why did God allow it to happen in the first place!!!!! Which she needs is for folks to stop being hypocritical and for her to follow the journey of healing. Let’s stop the nonsense that Gods going to fix this – only she can between herself and her husband. If Gods the answer, remember then that no matter what, marriage is suppose to be for a lifetime regardless of the mistakes!

      Mary 4 years ago Reply

  • Certainly terminate the Aupair! How she could even want to continue in your presence is beyond me. Children are resilient. Tell them whatever story you need to to explain her untimely departure. Let your husband do the juggling until you hire a replacement. Take a few days to yourself to clear your head and get some perspective O how you want to move forward. You will need to heal yourself AND decide if you want to continue in the marriage or not.

    K. Wright 4 years ago Reply

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